Reflections

I don't even really know what I want to say, so just be warned that this may be a rambling post.

Today I helped serve at a luncheon following a funeral for a woman in our ward. I did not know her, as she hasn't been to church in many years, but it hit me hard. This woman was exactly one day younger than me. She had three children: 2 girls and then a boy, ages 6, 4, and 2. As I thought about her and the similarities between her life and mine, it made me really reflect.

This woman went to bed last week with a toothache and never woke up. The autopsy was unable to determine the cause of death.

It made me think about how fragile life is.

I wonder if she kissed her children before bed, or if they went to bed fighting, like my girls so often do. I wonder if she spent her time that day playing with them, or if she spent the day watching TV or on the computer, like I so often do. I wonder if she yelled at her kids that day, like I often do, or if she snuggled with them all day.

I am sure she was a wonderful mother and wife.

I know that I can do better as a wife and mother. I need to remember that life is fragile. That any moment could be my last. Would I want my kids to remember me as the yelling, mean mom, or as a loving, nice mom? Would my kids remember the times we spent playing games or dolls or going to the park together, or would they remember that I put on a movie, so that I could be online or take a quick nap?

And so, it is this day, not New Year's Day, but January 19, that I resolve to be the kind of wife and mom that I would want my kids and husband to remember. I know we will still have bad days, but I am going to try my best to speak kind, loving words. To spend the majority of my time with my family, not with my online friends. I don't EVER want my family to wonder if I loved them, if Tomorrow never comes.